Home > Uncategorized > Photobucket is Down - Again. Updated on 8/2017 and 5/2018.

Photobucket is Down - Again. Updated on 8/2017 and 5/2018.

When photobucket goes down, all of my pictures disappear. That’s what is happening right now, and it started last night.

If one of my readers could recommend an alternative photo hosting site, I’d be very glad to know about it. One that is easy to use.

I’m currently a “paid” customer at Photobucket, so this is even more disturbing.

I’d like to post a cute picture here but that picture - like the other 5,492 pictures at this site - would not appear.

Thanks so much.

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Now I know. The following post explains how much pain my suicidal husband inflicted on me. At the end of this long post, you’ll find an update (written May 2018) which explains how I finally found some peace.

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And 18 hours after I posted this blog on April 17, 2016 (at 6:18 pm), my husband was dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the brain stem.

I don’t know if anyone is reading this, as it’s an old unimportant picture-less blog, but I will share this with the lone reader or two that stumbles onto this forgotten page: If you want to completely destroy your spouse, Wayne Ringer found the perfect method. Leave work abruptly, after co-workers overhear an argument with your wife, over the phone. Who cares that it’s a fight that he staged, and pre-planned. After this fight, send your wife a text that blames her for your ghastly act, and then - right before you pull the trigger - put that phone in a front pocket, so that it’s not damaged from bodily fluids, because you know that the police will check your phone and read that message and then word will spread far and wide that you - Wayne Ringer - were driven to this act by your shrew of a wife.

Leave a message with your adulteress (a woman that you claimed you loathed because she “could never keep her big fat mouth shut” and was “a real dumb ass”) and tell that woman - over and over again - that your wife is a miserable bitch that you despise.

After your death by suicide, that “dumb ass” will prove to be a very “useful idiot” and repeat that story to anyone and everyone that gives her a hearing. And because small-minded folk love gossip, that story will get much traction and spread far and wide.

That wife - that “drove you to this” - would be the wife who cooked her husband hundreds of heart-healthy meals, who slipped him fish-oil tablets, to make sure he lived longer, the wife who looked deep into his eyes during the passionate moments and said, “I love you so much that I can’t even find the words to express it.” That would be the wife who told him, “I pray God that I pass before you, because I can’t imagine living without you.”

That would be the wife that frequently told him, “You’re the most brilliant man walking this earth. Of that I am sure.”

That would be the wife who covered him in prayers every morning and every evening. That would be the wife that asked God to surround him in light and love. That would be the wife that asked God to send His angels to keep him safe at City Hall. That would be the wife who hungered for his kiss and longed for his  touch. That would be the wife that stopped gardening, cleaning, writing, cooking or whatever - and ran to the door at 5:40 every evening to greet him with a passionate kiss, because she was glad that he was home, safe and sound. That would be the wife who photographed him thousands of times in ten years, just because “you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

Since his death, I’ve struggled mightily just to face every hour. I live in 15-minute increments. I can no longer read the Bible, so I listen to hymns.

Mainly, I watch TV and most of that is violent crime shows. Pre-April 2016, I despised these very shows. Too graphic. Too violent. Too disturbing. But now, it’s like “Hurt”, the song by Johnny Cash. He sings,

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real.

Thanks be to God, I have avoided “cutting” although I well understand the temptation. I went through my drug phase and my alcoholic phase and my suicidal phase, and now, I’m in the “numb phase.” Maybe that’s why I watch crime shows. It’s my current drug of choice. It turns off my over-heated emotional hard drive. And in the shows that I watch, the bad guy loses and the good guy wins.

For most of my life, I believed in divine justice. Now I’m not sure what to believe. My deeply-entrenched religious belief system and spiritual faith has been set on fire and thrown out the front door. Now it sits in the street, a smoldering ash heap, the remnant of 50+ years of devout faith and daily work.

After Wayne’s death, I learned that he was not a faithful husband. That has cost me so much pain. Pain on top of pain on top of pain.

Every now and then, I return to this blog and think about the day that I got so frustrated about photobucket. I get so angry with myself because I should not have gotten on that plane Monday morning (April 18, 2016). God should have told me to stay home, to sneak back to the house and wait for him. I knew he was troubled. But I’d seen him troubled before, still, as a sensitive soul, I should have known. I should have stopped him. I should have canceled the trip. I should have been there. And there’s this: I lost my boarding pass that morning at Norfolk International Airport. Was that a sign from God that I should go back home? Could this have been avoided if I had not been so insistent to get on that plane to Boston?

What if he had found me in the living room that day when he came home at 10:30 am? Could I have stopped him? Or would he have killed me too? Either one of those scenarios seem like a better outcome than what I now must face every day of my life.

So, I don’t know if anyone will ever see this blog again. These old picture-less blogs get buried in the 1000+ blogs I’ve published at this site. But if you have read this, you know now the real secrets of this widow’s heart.

I’m not a writer. I’m not a historian. I’m not sure what I am. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know who I am. And I don’t know what I believe.

I really don’t know.

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The best summation I’ve found about being “the wife” is at this link. This article makes it clear what happens to the wife, and I have experienced all of these. Number 6 (on this list) is the one that has hit me the hardest.

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Updated in May 2018: It’s taken two years, and now I know with certainty, I had nothing to do with his suicide. I wasn’t that important to him. I wasn’t important enough to have any influence - for good or for bad.

There’s more, but that’s all I can post publicly.

And with that, I find my heart healing a little bit, day by day.

Thank you for your prayers. I am truly, honestly, deeply grateful.

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  1. April 19th, 2016 at 18:18 | #1

    I have flickr and have linked to a few flickr images myself on my blog. Flickr does maintenance once in a blue moon, in the wee hours of the morning usually, but I NEVER seen it go down!

  2. April 24th, 2016 at 13:21 | #2

    I got fed up with Photobucket and moved to Smugmug earlier this year. Thus far I really like Smugmug. They even have a tool for importing from Photobucket that worked well for me once I got its developer to fix a bug that I found in it.

  3. davemarsteller
    May 1st, 2016 at 20:34 | #3

    I would reccomend looking at setting up your own server :)

  4. Roger Duroid
    September 3rd, 2017 at 18:02 | #4

    That is quite a story Rose.

    Keep up the recovery. I know you have children, grandchildren, and Teddy that need you healthy for many years.

  5. Christie
    September 11th, 2017 at 23:53 | #5

    Hi, Rose,

    I came across this tonight as I was searching for Magnolias. It is not by chance that I came across this blog.

    I wanted to let you know that you are being prayed for.

  6. September 12th, 2017 at 07:51 | #6

    Thanks so much, Christie.

    If there’s one blessing of this website, it’s that I have been the recipient of much love, compassion and prayers throughout this ordeal.

    Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment, and thank you for your prayers.

  7. Missi Nussbaum
    October 11th, 2017 at 03:41 | #7

    I stumbled over your website tonight looking up kit houses. I’m not knowledgeable about the subject, just intrigued and curious, and the rabbithole led me to your site.

    Two hours have passed as I read back through your entries, knowing I would eventually reach this one and dreading it. I’m so sorry for your loss, and for what you have been through since his passing.

    I’ll add you both into my prayers. But I want to offer another take on why he did what he did - fighting with you like that, before he died. Maybe he hoped to make you hate him, so that when he was gone, it might be easier for you.

    People can think such stupid things when in the grip of a depression, and suicidal people are not in their right minds at such a time.

    That fight and those cruel words might have been an attempt to spare you suffering, in some awful, inane way.

    Maybe he so hated himself, that he thought he could make you hate him, too. And then you might not mourn his passing.

    Try not to dwell on what happened at the end. He was not well, and not himself.

  8. Fifitrixiebelle
    October 20th, 2017 at 12:32 | #8

    I own a Uriel and am about to have it painted. I bought your book, The Houses that Sears Built, and I’ve been reading about the Sears Houses.

    I also made my way to this post. I am so sorry, Rosemary.

    Subsequent posts seem to indicate that you are coping better and better with time.

    If Wayne was suffering from depression, a physical disease, I’m sure that very little of what he did really had anything to do with you.

  9. Lydia Jasper
    October 29th, 2017 at 14:28 | #9

    Hi, Rosemary, I just read your post on your husband’s passing.

    I have never had to deal with a suicide, but it appears to be the worst one can have to deal with. The survivors I mean. The guilt (all the what if’s), the sheer loss…I cannot imagine your pain.

    But I can say thank you for sharing your thoughts and your heart, though broken. Your courage and spirit is beautiful.

    It appears you’re mending some and coping better as time goes on…I hope so.

  10. Kitty Conklin
    November 5th, 2017 at 20:16 | #10

    I just watched the CBS evening news and there was a story on Sears Kit Homes.

    I said to my husband that this wasn’t a complete story because Rosemary Thornton wasn’t mentioned.

    I’m an old home owner and have followed your work through the last 16-17 yrs.

    So, for old time’s sake, I came to this website, not expecting to find this blog.

    You have provided inspiration to my husband and I over 3 old homes. I hope that you are continuing to move forward because there are so many like us who really admire you from afar.

    My wish is that you are able to reattain continued happiness. You deserve it!

  11. Jenny
    June 4th, 2018 at 13:41 | #11

    Somehow I missed the updates to this post.

    I am at a loss for words.

    I have no sage advice to offer or experiences to relate. I am glad to read that you are finding healing and I will continue to pray that you find peace and happiness.

  12. June 5th, 2018 at 08:15 | #12

    @Jenny
    Thanks, Jenny. It’s actually worse than what I can post publicly.

    I am struggling so hard to just survive.

  13. July 9th, 2018 at 14:15 | #13

    I came upon your site while researching a magazine story on a possible Sears kit home in Alvin, Texas — I know the chances of it being a true Sears kit home are probably slim, but I’m hopeful.

    I read your post regarding The Bad Thing, and all the things you should or shouldn’t say to someone who’s suffered through a Bad Thing.

    I won’t pretend to think I could know what you’ve suffered and are still working through.

    I do know one thing, though: we are each responsible for the things we do and in no way could you be responsible or at fault for The Bad Thing. He chose The Bad Thing, not you.

    Also, those idiots who say God doesn’t give us more than we can handle are, well, idiots.

    My personal thought is that He doesn’t GIVE us these things, but when they happen, we more fully realize just how much we need Him.

    May God’s presence and comfort be more fully apparent in your life with each day as you travel this path.

  14. July 12th, 2018 at 07:01 | #14

    Thanks, Laura.

    You’re right: People who say that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle are fools. And if anyone really believes that, they need to keep it to themselves.

    During this horrible time, the people that have helped me the most are those who themselves have known the deepest sorrows. I’ve met people that required 20+ years to heal from a tragedy of this magnitude.

    Thank you so much for your comments.

  15. Laura - Southern California
    July 17th, 2018 at 18:02 | #15

    Rose,

    I haven’t touched base in a couple years, as life has thrown me into sandwich responsibilities (Dementia Mother, who never loved me, but I help her), my husband’s multiple ocular surgeries, and a host of other vicissitudes, but now that I am caught up, I am lost for words.

    First, you are a very warm, sincere, thoughtful, intelligent, class act, and I am devastated to hear of your “dark tale of betrayal.”

    Some people are so good at deception, even us sensitive intuitive types miss it.

    Please know that you are incapable of being anything dark, including a shrew.

    You are a remarkable human, and that isn’t built upon religion, that is hard work built on self policing, integrity, and real morality.

    You are wonderful you, because you made a choice to have good character. Wayne, evidently, didn’t match your spiritual light.

    I cannot in fathom your heartbreak, and I’ll not comment on the third party. (This is a family friendly blog.)

    When I was in Junior High, my friend, Barbara ,committed suicide.

    I still remember it, and it taught me, sometimes life isn’t “and they lived happily ever after.”

    My 21 yo sister died suddenly (30 yrs ago), so I’ve had my share of life isn’t fair.

    Your story touched the core of my soul. I am so sorry for the way you were treated, and I hope life is getting better, and you surround yourself with loving people.

    You sent me something during a very dark time in my life. You are such a sweetheart.

    You are preserving American History. You are at the level of Studs Terkel, giving a voice to Sears Kit Homes, and Kit Homes in general. Besides that virtue, you’re a terrific lady, and my heart is heavy for the hell you’ve been through.

    Laura
    So Ca

  16. Veronica Anne
    July 28th, 2018 at 20:48 | #16

    I also just came across your blog about the “Bad Thing”. I hope you are healing. I hope you are doing what gives you joy. I hope you are living your life peacefully.

  17. Kriss
    August 1st, 2018 at 22:38 | #17

    Thank you for having the will to live on. Because of that, the women of Penniman will also live on.

  18. August 2nd, 2018 at 12:49 | #18

    Thank you so much, Kriss. I have been despondent at times and have struggled through the hours, and it’s been a horrific battle. Thank you for understanding and for leaving a comment.

  19. Jo
    August 21st, 2018 at 22:47 | #19

    Looking for floor plan for Jim Walter Home built in 1958 for my grandmother. The style was called “twosome”.

    It was a small, one bed, one bath house. Anyone have this floor plan or know where I might find it, please?

    Thanks!

  20. NANCY SUTTON
    August 26th, 2018 at 12:49 | #20

    Rose, I happened upon this post while looking for information on the Alhambra.

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your struggles.

    I hope you are able to climb out of this sorrowful hole. I am sending you positive vibes and wish you nothing but the best in the future. (((❤️)))

  21. Matt
    September 23rd, 2018 at 22:21 | #21

    I read this. I came having recently, last week, passed through Cairo, Illinois, and seeing how things had progressed since I first went through in 2007 (near;y every building on Commercial St downtown has been demolished). Once home, I listened to the 99% Invisible podcast about Sears homes which mentioned Cairo as the place so many were produced and also built. Then I searched for Cairo IL Sears homes and ran into this blog, and after reading about a couple of houses, followed this link.

    I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m not sure thoughts and prayers help at all, so all I can do is say I’m sorry. I hope life gets better for you, that you find solace. I cannot imagine the pain and hurt you must have felt and must still be feeling, and hope it all gets better as time goes on.

  22. Traci
    October 25th, 2018 at 03:52 | #22

    I came upon your post while looking to see if any Sears Homes were located in Toledo, Ohio.

    I want to say that I pray you have found a sense of closure and healing after all you’ve endured.

    They say that God gives his hardest struggles to his strongest warriors. Stay prayerful.

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