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Finding the New Normal

Finding the strength to face each day is a daunting and almost impossible task. I don’t know how people do it. I always was a “woman of faith” but now I can’t seem to find my way.

I’d be grateful for any and all spiritual support and loving prayers.

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  1. Gemma
    September 3rd, 2016 at 14:52 | #1

    Peace be with you, Rose. I have been praying for you since this sudden and extreme manifestation of the Divine Will. The darkness is Him carrying you. If you feel it necessary, check with your dr, as you may need something for what is commonly known as the broken heart, or in medi-speak, cardiomyopathy. There is also a new religious community of widows in Toronto, Ohio, known as the Family of Jacopa. They would be willing to talk with you over the phone. See if you can find the book “Weeping with Jesus.” I cover the subject of widower in my PSI Stoker Novellas. A friend found them healing to read after 20 years of grieving her fiancé. She was able to pick up her artist’s brushes, again.

    I have enjoyed your blog immensely, especially the “Where’s Rosie?” post. The photo of Wayne as “professional and erudite” was a joy. Love Teddy, too. I’m authoring a book about an historic building, and the stack of binders was, well, scary.

    Blessings,
    Gemma

  2. Melissa Hirst Chaple
    September 4th, 2016 at 13:45 | #2

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Rose. Your message today was heartbreaking. You do not know us, your readers, but as we shared your joys of discovery, we share your sorrow in loss. We are with you and remain here for you. Just like your beloved houses, you and we, endure. Melissa

  3. September 4th, 2016 at 19:02 | #3

    Rose, It takes time. I lost my beloved Michael almost five years ago. On Thanksgiving Day. The first year I lied to my family and friends and went out of town and checked into a hotel. By the second year I was able to eat dinner (sort of).
    The hardest part is when I would remember the bad times. Little arguments, money troubles,daily “stuff”. I even asked myself why I was so foolish to get remarried to a man with health and money problems. The answer is I found my soul mate. A little later than planned but at least I found him.
    Eventually I was able to say no to sadness and depression. When I think of Michael now I remember only the good. Thanksgiving will never be quite the same. I just take it one day at a time.
    Just hang in there. You still are a “woman of faith”. I once read Mother Threasa said that the hardest times were when she did not feel HIS presence in her life. She just kept going on shear faith. You can and will be ok.

  4. September 6th, 2016 at 10:22 | #4

    Rose, just want to say, I’m so very sorry. I have no great advice. But as someone who lost a baby son more than a decade ago, I can only tell you it will get better eventually. For me, it was after the first anniversary, after going through the same season again, that the pain started to ease up. It won’t ever go away, but you will start seeing the light around you again. I’m sure you’ve gotten your hands on every grieving book you could, but I’ve found Kushner’s “When Bad Things Happen To Good People” helpful. (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000XU4V48/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1#nav-subnav)
    May you find comfort in your other loved ones and eventually regain your faith.

  5. Elvis Newton
    September 6th, 2016 at 19:59 | #5

    You have too much left to do on this planet to give up so you just have to get up each day and get to it. I think Wayne would be unhappy if you didn’t finish your work. A new book dedicated to him would be beautiful.

  6. Deirdre
    September 9th, 2016 at 22:51 | #6

    Dear Rose,
    I think of you often, wonder how you are doing, and say a prayer in your direction. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your love for Wayne was so very plain in your writing. I wish you peace and that your grief will become less painful and more bearable. Great tragedy challenges even the strongest of us. I will pray that your days become easier.
    Peace,
    Deirdre

  7. Pauline Hundley
    September 10th, 2016 at 21:46 | #7

    Hey Rose, I have thinking about you since June. Please contact me via Facebook or my. Email address zephyr478@cox.net. I would love to meet up with you.
    Pauline from High School

  8. Christine Anderson
    September 10th, 2016 at 22:06 | #8

    Dear Rose,
    I was extremely sorry a few months ago to hear of your loss. Please know that whatever you are experiencing emotionally and spiritually is, for you, a normal part of grieving your loss. Everyone grieves differently and the timeline varies widely between people. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.

    We humans don’t “get over” a loss - we move through the hurt and gradually learn to live with it, until that “new normal” becomes a reality. It can never be exactly the same, of course. The course is uneven.

    But someday, Rose, you will find life worthwhile again, that you will have new goals and new reasons to enjoy each day.

    Real love is unconditional and lives forever, regardless of what happens during our life on earth, and that is the heart of the Truth about who we are and how we are loved by our Creator and others in spirit. I have no doubt that you are loved far more than you can imagine.

    You are not alone, ever. Our earthly life is full of difficulties from which we must learn, and as we surmount challenges we become stronger and gain wisdom. During our darkest hours it’s difficult to believe things will get better, but they will. You will find your way. Please believe that.

    However you find peace once again in your life - however your path may bend and turn, please be encouraged by God’s great love for you, for He will never abandon you, will never judge your feelings.

    I truly hope knowing this is a comfort for you. You will continue to be in my prayers.
    With greatest respect,
    Christine

  9. Suzanne Bandanza
    September 21st, 2016 at 14:06 | #9

    Rose,

    I’m short on words or wisdom for one who is so eloquent when it comes to the written word. I can’t imagine the place you have found yourself in, the heartbreak that comes with such a loss, but in my heart I believe you will find a way to heal. You are such an inquisitive person, have to be to do what you do, that life, one breath at a time, will bring surely bring you safely to a new life. I believe your husband’s memory, and all that he was to you, will in the end be the force to help you put one foot in front of the other. You have to grieve, no way around that, but you also have to remember that he would want you to go on living and find joy again. You are not alone, I promise, even though some days it might feel that way.

  10. Gemma
    October 2nd, 2016 at 09:39 | #10

    I, too, am now adjusting to a new normal. The Lord saw fit to take my 22 year-old son early last Sunday morning.

    Blessings,
    Gemma

  11. October 13th, 2016 at 12:22 | #11

    @Gemma
    Gemma,

    A friend of a friend lost her 28-year-old son recently. When I heard the news, I burst into tears. I’m going to try and send you an email. I hope you’ll respond.

  12. October 13th, 2016 at 12:26 | #12

    @Cati
    Hi Cati,

    I read that book (Kuschner’s book) every day, sometimes for hours at a time. Right now, it’s all I can do. I listen to hymns, drink Gatorade and read “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.”

    Thanks for your kind words. And thanks for understanding.

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