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If You Believe in the Power of Prayer…

I sure could use them now.

For reasons I don’t fully understand, I’m back in a valley and struggling to rise to my feet again. Part of the challenge is that the shock is wearing off, and so many memories are returning. Some are good memories but many are bad memories of conversations with Wayne. Conversations that I didn’t understand at the time, but I understand them now.

My prayer-warrior friend Tracie tells me that sometimes, we need to focus our prayers. And right now, I need “the peace of God that passes all understanding.”

I also need to find a home in a beautiful place. My worldly possessions are scattered hither and yon in storage units. I’m living - camped out really - in a rental unit that was supposed to be temporary. Unfortunately, I’ve been here almost a year now.

Why am I stuck? I don’t know. Should I keep hoping for the best or “embrace the suck”?

I always believed in the power of visualization and setting goals. I believed that God answers prayers in a way that brings the maximum blessing. I believed that the universe was a friendly place.

All three of those beliefs have been shattered into a billion pieces.

I don’t know what to believe.

Never in a million years did I think my husband would commit suicide. Never in a million years did I think I’d be a renter at the age of 58, with my favorite things stuffed in storage units. Never in a million years did I think that my much-loved husband would do some of the things that he did, designed to create maximum confusion and despair after his death.

Never in a million years.

My daughter said that *that* should be our new mantra - “Never in a million years.”

So here I sit on the first day of July, pouring my heart out on a blog, trying to find my way out of limbo and into The New Normal™.

I’ve prayed until I’m blue in the knees, so I ask my friends for your prayers.

With much gratitude,

Rosemary and Teddy.



This image speaks to me, and I'm not sure why. There's desolation but there's also hope. For some time, I've felt trapped in a sort of limbo, and I need to find the way out. The image is from "What Dreams May Come."


To read about Rose’s new book, click here.


  1. Sandy Pilarski
    July 2nd, 2017 at 08:19 | #1

    Dear Rosemary, I’m not a praying person, but I DO wish the best for you.

    The feeling of being back in a valley may be because you had a focus with finishing the Penniman book and now that it’s done, all those memories have popped back up.

    I know you have many prayer warriors and I know they’ll be jumping in to buoy you in that way.

    But know I’m on your side too, sending positive vibes to help boost you once again.

    I’ve been busy and am only about five pages into the Penniman book. I would like to read more before I start a review.

    My modus operandi in reading a new history such as yours is to read all the “extras” first, such as acknowledgements, extra notes, etc, then look at all the pictures (maybe twice), and THEN get into the main read.

    So it takes me a while But I’m loving it, as I knew I would.

    Thank you, Rosemary, for chugging along.

  2. Gemma
    July 2nd, 2017 at 13:12 | #2

    God has a plan for you, dear Rosie. Penniman is done and distributed, and now you need more goals.

    I have problems with memories, too, from my past life with my deceased son. Some good, others, not so good.

    Roll with the punches.

    May St Joseph help you with goal setting; Intercede for your peace of mind; and guide you to your next step.

  3. Laura
    July 2nd, 2017 at 23:55 | #3

    Rose, I have no words…there are no words to express my deepest sympathy for what you have been and are going through.

    I am so sorry. I am praying for you and your family. I’m here for you whatever you need.

    Hang in. Laura

  4. Linda (Sue)
    July 3rd, 2017 at 14:05 | #4


    The new book has arrived! I think it was delivered to our mailbox on Saturday, but I didn’t make it to the mailbox until this morning.

    Thank you for getting the book in the mail so fast. It is a welcome ray of sunshine.

  5. Jen
    July 3rd, 2017 at 22:11 | #5

    You have my prayers.

  6. Laurie
    July 7th, 2017 at 11:46 | #6

    When I was going through tough times, I really like Joan Rivers “Fight Back” book - her husband offed himself too.

    You’ll enjoy the cathartic points and laughter too.

  7. Jennifer Kilmer
    July 29th, 2017 at 16:51 | #7

    Dear Rosemary, I just stumbled across your website in my searches for the Sears Magnolia. I am a kit house buff and an aspiring Interior Designer (something like my fifth career now!)

    I’m just a few years younger than you so we speak the same language of the same generation.

    Reading your blog set in my heart, prayers for you.

    We may have had a connection through my brother (who was Chief of Police many years ago in the area where you had lived.)

    Hugs and many prayers sent your way.

  8. Lisa Tabor
    August 2nd, 2017 at 12:33 | #8

    Rosemary, I not only believe in the power of prayer, I live my life by it.

    Since I continue to learn something daily, I would say to you not to put your own life on hold because of something or someone who clearly did not appreciate what was given to them.

    Isaiah 61 says, I (God) will give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the Spirit of heaviness. You have to trade in one for the other, and not keep any of the old ashes.

    It also says, that, instead of shame you will double honor, you will possess double for your trouble.

    So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise before you.

    Read it and feel His Presence in your current situation. You will be very blessed by it. Have an outstanding day, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord and our Savior.

  9. August 11th, 2017 at 06:44 | #9

    As always, thanks so much, Gemma. I’m very grateful for this comment, and all your love and support.

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