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Posts Tagged ‘mudita’

Schadenfreude or Mudita?

August 9th, 2013 Sears Homes No comments

The Germans call it schadenfreude.  Here in Virginia, we call it “The Crab Theory.”

Schadenfreude means - quite literally - delighting in the misfortune of others. I came across this wonderful word when I was writing my book, The Ugly Woman’s Guide to Internet Dating: What I Learned From 70 First Dates.

If you put one crab in a five-gallon bucket, that lone crab will do everything in his power to crawl out of that bucket. But, if you place two or more crabs in one bucket, the other crabs will grab anyone who tries to get out, and pull him back down.

Unfortunately, humans sometime act a lot like crabs.

In my own life, I’ve struggled mightily with envy, and sometimes, I’ve leaned more toward the schadenfreude side.

And then one day, I read a story in the Christian Science Sentinel about a woman who’d spent a lifetime cultivating the habit of gratitude. The article said that her mother had set a wonderful example, teaching her to feel sincerely joyous and grateful for the good things that happened in other people’s lives. This wise mother had taught her little girl that when good things happened to others, it could be viewed as a personal promise from God that, if it happened for them, it could happen for her, too.

The Buddhist call this Mudita. It’s the habit of finding joy in other people’s happiness.

The morning news is frequently awash in salacious and scurrilous scandals involving celebrities and their ilk. Somehow it seems like it’s just human nature to want to “read all about it” when a wealthy, gorgeous and famous celebrity has something crummy happen in their lives.

Yet it’s in our divine nature to flip that around and stop staring so hard at other people’s sins and take a better look at our own shortcomings.. Maybe we need to stop cultivating the habit of schadenfreude and work on mudita.

To read more, click here.

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Back

Back in the day, seems like society worked harder on cultivating the habit of gratitude. Perhaps it was because life was so difficult, that any opportunity to find a spot of joy - in your life or anyone else's life - was readily seized upon. By the way, this is a picture of my relatives (found amongst my late father's possessions), but I don't know who these folks are. I suspect it's a picture of Homer Hoyt's parents. Homer was my great, great grandfather.

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Schadenfreude and Mudita: Two Very Different Ways of Viewing the World

May 5th, 2012 Sears Homes No comments

Here in Virginia, some call it “The Crab Theory.”

In Germany, it’s known as Schadenfreude. It means, “enjoying the misfortune of others.”

Growing up on an estuary off the Elizabeth River, we often went crabbing. And we learned that if you put a lone crab in a bucket, that crab will do all within its power to climb out of that bucket. The trick is to put two or more crabs into your bucket. When one starts to climb out, the other crabs will snag him and pull him back down.

Sadly, there are times when homo sapiens behave more like crabs than human beings.

Years ago, I really struggled and prayed to overcome envious thoughts and feelings. One day, I saw an article in the Christian Science Sentinel about a woman who’d spent decades truly cultivating the habit of gratitude. According to the article, her mother had taught her - by word and deed - that she should learn how to feel genuinely grateful when good things happen to other people, because each “good thing” was a divine promise that, “If it happened for them, it can happen for me, too.”

Buddhists call this Mudita. It’s the practice (and discipline) of finding joy in other people’s happiness and success.

In the anonymous, faceless world of the internet, I’ve noticed that people sometimes engage in very negative behaviors, saying things that are better left unsaid. In short, they’re behaving more like angry crabs than intelligent human beings!

I’m starting to wonder if the anonymity of the internet is making us a little too callous with our words. There are those who seem to delight in “pulling others down,” rather than lifting them up.

Saint Teresa of Ávila (1515-1582) is credited with saying that the “kindest thing we can do for our heavenly Father is to be kind to His children.”

I don’t think Saint Teresa of Ávila would be a fan of the ugliness that sometimes appears online. 

Imagine how much sweeter the world could be if we practiced the discipline of “mudita” in all of our communications, both online and in person.

Maybe we need to abandon the crabby habit of schadenfreude and work on cultivating the saintly habit of mudita.

Dogs know a lot about love and joy. Even when theyre forced to wear silly hats.

Dogs know a lot about love and joy. Even when they're forced to wear silly hats.

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Schadenfreude and Mudita and Internet Forums

January 4th, 2012 Sears Homes No comments

Schadenfreude is a German word that means delighting in the misfortune of others. Here in southeastern Virginia, we call this “The Crab Theory.”

Put a lone crab in a five-gallon bucket and Mr. Crab will do everything in his power to scale its smooth wall and crawl out of that bucket. Put two or more crabs in a bucket and when one starts to climb up, the others will grab him and pull him down. Unfortunately, sometimes humans exhibit the same negative tendencies as crabs.

In my own life, I’ve struggled mightily with envy.  And then one day, I read a story in the Christian Science Sentinel about a woman who’d spent a lifetime cultivating the habit of gratitude. She said that her mother had taught her to feel sincerely joyous and grateful for the good things that happened in other people’s lives, and to take it as a personal promise from God that, if it happened for them, it could happen for her, too.

The Buddhist have a word for this: Mudita. It’s the practice of finding joy in other people’s success and happiness.

For years, I enjoyed participating at a handful of internet forums, but recently, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend, as more and more people seem to engage in a myriad of negative behaviors, such as might be exhibited by a pair of angry crabs in a five-gallon bucket. Sometimes, I’ve gotten caught up in a heated debate and posted things that were better left unsaid.

I’m starting to wonder if the anonymity of the internet is making us all a little too callous and way too careless with our words. There are those who seem to delight in “pulling others down,” rather than lifting them up.

And I surely don’t want to be one of them.

Saint Teresa of Ávila (1515-1582) is credited with saying that the kindest thing we can do for our heavenly Father is to be kind to His children.

I don’t think Saint Teresa would be a fan of the “pulling down” that often occurs today on the internet.

Who among us hasn’t lost our temper and said something we deeply regret? Who among us hasn’t wished that we’d waited just a few minutes more (or hours) before hitting that “submit button”?

Maybe we need to abandon the crabby habit of schadenfreude and work on cultivating the saintly habit of  mudita.

Even on the internet.

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Theres a

Teddy the Dog knows a lot about love.

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Schadenfreude and Mudita.

September 18th, 2011 Sears Homes No comments

Ever hear of schadenfreude? For years, I’d always called it, “The Crab Theory.”

Schadenfreude is a German word that means delighting in the misfortune of others. I had never heard of this word until I was doing some research for my book The Ugly Woman’s Guide to Internet Dating: What I Learned From 70 First Dates.

Put one crab in a five-gallon bucket and Mr. Crab will do everything in his power to scale its smooth wall and crawl out of that bucket. Put two or more crabs in a bucket and when one starts to climb up, the others will grab him and pull him back down into the bucket. Unfortunately, humans sometime exhibit the same tendencies as crabs.

In my own life, I’ve struggled mightily with envy, and I’m sorry to say that too many times, I had a decided leaning toward the crab/schadenfreude side.

And then one day, I read a story in the Christian Science Sentinel about a woman who’d spent a lifetime cultivating the habit of gratitude. She said that her mother had taught her to feel sincerely joyous and grateful for the good things that happened in other people’s lives, and to take it as a personal promise from God that, if it happened for them, it could happen for her, too.

The Buddhist have a word for this: Mudita. It’s the practice of finding joy in other people’s success and happiness.

The morning news is frequently awash in salacious and scurrilous scandals involving celebrities and their ilk. Yet we’re all “clay vessels,” and we’re all cracked pots and fallible, and we’re all prone to foibles and missteps and mistakes and even lapses in good judgment. Who among us hasn’t lost our temper and said something we deeply regret? Who among us hasn’t surrendered to temptation when we could have done better? My point is, maybe the real need is to stop focusing on other people’s sins and take a better look at our own shortcomings and work on improving those.

Maybe we need to stop cultivating the habit of schadenfreude and work on mudita.

To read more, click here.

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